Dating tips for singles

February 23rd, 2012

Can’t figure out why you aren’t dating?  Here are some tips for making a good first impression so that first date will be more likely to happen.

1.  Physical Appearance

This is the first thing people notice about you.  Looking and smelling good will make you more approachable.

A. Hygiene & Grooming:

1. Shower every day.  Use deodorant soap, wash your hair with plenty of shampoo. Wear deodorant. Wear clean clothes.

2. In America, women are expected to have silky smooth legs and faces. (In Europe, hairy legs are the norm…) Pluck your eyebrows if they are bushy. In Utah, the predominant religion discourages facial hair on men. If you want to date a strict adherent, stay clean shaven and keep your hair nicely trimmed. Be aware that some women are turned off by furry men, so you might want to shave your back, ears and nose hair.

3.  Determine which hair styles look most flattering on you. Different cuts suit different face shapes. Comb through hair if it gets in a tussle.

4.  Bad breath can be scary. If doing the basics of brushing and flossing aren’t enough, you might want to try scraping/brushing your tongue and/or using mouth wash (you can make your own!). Staying sufficiently hydrated and being careful about what foods you eat can help. If the problem persists, you should make an appointment with your dentist.  Other health problems (esp. gastrointestinal) can lead to foul-smelling breath as well.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                It is a good idea to live by the motto: Never refuse a breath mint. If someone offers you a mint or gum, it probably means your breath is odoriferous. If you object to aspartame, then chew on the fennel seeds you have stashed in your pocket. Be aware that some people are turned off by crooked teeth. If fixing crooked teeth would help you feel better about yourself and you have the means, go ahead and get braces. If having whiter teeth does the same, get your teeth whitened. Self-confidence goes a long way and can give your dating life a boost.

B. Appearance:

1. Exercise and eat a healthful diet. If you are healthy, you will look and feel better.

2.  At the very least, wear well-fitting, figure-flattering clothes with a classic flair.

3. Wash face daily with water or mild  soap. Take more drastic measures if you have acne.

2. Personality:

1. Be confident.  Confidence shows when you have good posture, smile, and make eye contact. When talking about yourself, put your best foot forward. Emphasize your strengths and the positive direction your life is moving in. Avoid talking about your weaknesses and past mistakes when you are getting to know people.

2.  Be positive, hopeful, optimistic, and happy. Cheerful people attract friends. Life can be hard, but laugh and don’t take life too seriously.  Nobody wants to be around a cranky person who vents constantly about life’s hardships. Have an attitude of gratitude and focus on your passions. Work towards making your dream life-style a reality.

3.  Be complete as a single person. You should not be dependent on others for your happiness or survival. Learn how to meet your own emotional and physical needs. Living a full, productive, meaningful life is attractive.

3. Finances:

1. Financial independence is attractive.  The greater your wealth, the more attractive you will be. If you are struggling to pay the bills, lower your standard of living.  Carefully budget  your money. Consider doing side jobs to supplement your income.  If you have debt, pay it off as soon as possible.

One can easily fall into the trap of becoming too obsessive about money. Scrooge missed out on having a family and friends because he was so concerned about money. It is good to earn and save, but don’t be unwilling to occasionally lavish money on a date.  It is good to be productive and have money in the bank, but not at the expense of connecting with others or spending time on your hobbies. Work towards buying a home, but remember to have fun and enjoy life in the meantime.

After the first impression has been made:

Some practical suggestion that can be useful in real life:
1.  Take a personality test (MBTI, Big Five, or Enneagram of Personality) to gain some insight on yourself, your strengths, and who you’re naturally compatible with.
2.  It helps to look for someone who’s a likely prospect – in your league intellectually, aesthetically, and with a similar family background.
3.  Learn to relate to the opposite sex.  Don’t pin your hopes on winning over “the one”, but get practice everywhere you go.  In doing so you’ll be able to get past initial shyness in others and see what they’re like deeper than the surface.  You’ll learn to read the opposite sex – their body language, their intentions, their feelings.  In time, your innate fear of rejection will be displaced by confidence.  You’ll make friends too, which is probably the best source for meeting potential romantic interests.  Friendship is built on common ground and shared perspectives, like romance and marriage.
4.  Attend or host activities.  Be socially active.  Put yourself in places you can interact.  If you don’t like the activities available, find new ones.  Dances, barbecues, potlucks, game night, firesides, forums, sports leagues, book clubs, group-nights-out like movies, intellectual or political groups are all possibilities.  If you’re in college, classes can be an excellent place to meet.  Find somewhere that you like.
5.  Network.  If you’re attracted to a friend’s friend, ask to be introduced.   Talk and see where it gets you.
6.  Guys will usually get more mileage for their efforts if they turn the pressure down a notch and slow things down a bit.  Girls will get more repeat dates if they’re more responsive or visibly enthusiastic.
7.  This is probably the biggest one – confidence.  Practice builds confidence.  So do exercise, healthy eating, proper sleep and sunlight.  Chewing gum can help nervous people calm down by raising serotonin levels.  Good posture, clear speech, and eye contact all demonstrate confidence.
8.  Take an emotional risk if you want someone.  Tell him/her that you want to spend more time together.  Look them in the eye, take their hand,  ask them what they think of you.  If you hug or kiss at the end of a date, hold on a little longer and see what happens.   If you like someone stay in frequent contact.
9.  Don’t let yourself become used.  Clearly articulate what you want.  It’s flattering to be pursued even if someone doesn’t want you, so you’ve got to look out for yourself.  If you think you’re getting used, call them on it.
10.  When you’re together with someone you like, give your full attention.
11.  Take time out for personal development.  Pursue hobbies you like, spend time with friends.  There’s something attractive about someone who’s happy and well rounded.  A major struggle for single people is simply getting noticed.  Personal development help with this.
12.  This last one is a big one.  Have something to offer.  A happy relationship is a two-sided one in which partners meet each others’ needs.  These needs vary from person to person, but some common needs are emotional involvement, listening, a helping hand, intellectual stimulation and physical contact.
This article was composed by multiple dating coaches, including expert dating coach, Randal Allred of South Dakota.  Randal is extremely well-read and has studied marriage and dating statistics in US cultures extensively.  He can quickly analyze your personality to help you see how others see you and help guide you towards those who will be most compatible to you and help you to attract the type of person you are looking for!  To get your own personal dating and image consultation, you may get advice for $10 per email.  Email him at <freezingswim@yahoo.com> to make payment arrangements.
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